Be Kind: Cyber bullying

01 person using laptop

What is cyber bullying?

Cyber bullying is the act of hurting a person or group using the digital platforms. Cyber bullying can occur through the posting of text messages or photos on social media, forums, or gaming platforms, where people can view, participate in, or share content.

Cyber bullying can take many forms, including:

Flaming/Roasting: posting mean-spirited words to deliberately humiliate and insult the victim.
Exclusion: intentionally leaving the victim out of an online chat/group
Harassment: sending hurtful and threatening messages to the victim. The harassment can take place 24/7, due to the nature of technology.
Impersonation: impersonating the victim online and damaging the victim’s reputation.
Uploading of embarrassing media: uploading a photo or video of the victim (which may or may not be digitally altered) online to embarrass him/her.

Cyber bullying is on the rise in Singapore, and this could be attributed to children now having increased access to mobile phones and the Internet. A 2018 survey by CNA found that 3 in 4 youths had been bullied online, and almost all victims did not inform their parents. CNA’s research also showed that the three most common forms of cyber bullying that Singaporean teenagers faced were: The posting of an embarrassing video of them online; name-calling; and the posting of embarrassing comments about them online.

As children spend more time online during the COVID-19 pandemic, whether for entertainment or home-based-learning, it is important for their parents and educators to be vigilant and monitor their digital interactions closely. This is to ensure that their children are not victims of cyber bullying, or worse, become cyber bullies themselves.

What are the effects of cyber bullying?

Cyber bullying can have adverse effects on children. They may suffer from negative physical and mental health problems like depression, anxiety, feelings of sadness and loneliness, suicidal thoughts and ideas, health issues, and poor academic performance.

Cyber bullying is particularly damaging to a young person when the negative content can be shared, saved and spread online across multiple platforms. This makes it difficult for the victim to walk away from the situation.

02 child using computer

How can I tell if my child is being cyber bullied?

It may be difficult to tell if your child is being cyber bullied, as children tend to keep these difficult experiences to themselves. However, there are some common signs that parents can try to look out for:

Drastic changes in personality, such as becoming socially withdrawn, angry or anxious
Sharp decline in academic performance
Being unusually upset after using their phone or going online
Stops using phone or computer altogether, or uses it a lot more than normal
Abrupt loss of confidence
Unexplained reluctance or refusal to go to school
Suddenly deleting their social media accounts
Has trouble sleeping and/or shows less interest in eating

These signs do not immediately indicate that your child is a victim of cyber-bullying, but they are starting points to address possible issues with your child.

03 empathise and show support

What can I do if I find out that my child is being cyber bullied?

Empathise: Do not dismiss the situation or simply ask your child to brush it off and ignore it. Instead, talk to your child, try to understand the situation and be a pillar of support for them. Acknowledge your child’s bravery in seeking help.
Evaluate: Stay calm and assess the severity of the bullying — is it something your child can handle with your guidance, or do the authorities (school or police) need to step in?
Evidence: Save the evidence by taking screenshots of the posts, photos, or chats. If the harassment doesn’t stop, this can be helpful if you need to make reports to the school administration or police.
Empower: If it’s a less severe situation, brainstorm ways for your child to deal with the bullying and explore the options together. Come up with a realistic and executable plan to deal with the bully, such as not responding to taunts or blocking the bully on online platforms. Do not tell your child to retaliate, as this could send the wrong message that hurtful behaviour is okay. This process can help your child understand different perspectives and develop empathy for others.
Evaluate again: Keep a close eye on the situation. Monitor your child’s emotional state and the extent of the bullying. If things don’t improve, help your child understand why it may be prudent to get the help of authorities in resolving the issue. Once you have their understanding, you cancontact the authorities and resolve the problem.

Experts

o TOUCH CyberWellness

Tel: 1800 377 2252

Email: cyberwellness@touch.org.sg

o Fei Yue Community Services

Tel: +65 6563 1106

Online contact form: www.fycs.org/contact-us/

o Coalition Against Bullying for Children and Youth (CABCY)

Tel: +65 6223 3122

Email: ask@cabcy.org.sg

What can I do if I find out that my child is a cyber bully?

It can be frustrating and disappointing to know that your child is causing hurt to others. Here are some ways you can respond to the situation:

Eliminate excuses: It’s important to first accept the reality that your child could be engaging in negative online behaviour that hurts others. You shouldn’t rationalise, trivialise or ignore the problem.
Explore calmly:Try to bring up the issue in a level-headed manner without disrespecting, or judging your child. Address their behaviour but treat them with dignity. If your child feels attacked or victimised, they may not be willing to make progress.
Encourage discussion: Speak with your child to understand his/her motivations. Many youths engage in cyberbullying as an act of revenge for something that someone else first did to them. Assure your children that they can always come to you if they’re facing issues with their peers.
Enforce change: Help your child understand why the bullying must stop immediately, regardless of who started it. Emphasise the point that nobody deserves to be mistreated. Suggest ways for them to address interpersonal problems in appropriate ways that don’t attack or victimise others.
Examine: Try to understand the reasons for the way your child is behaving, in order to identify the solution. Analyse if it is a result of a lack of attention in the home environment, stress, or a lack of discipline. Understanding the core issue can inform your next course of action.
Evaluate the extent: Do a thorough assessment of your child’s bullying. Try to get a sense of the extent of the bullying, where and how it happened. This can help you understand the severity of the situation and decide on the remedial actions to be taken.
Empathy-building: Explain the severity of your child’s actions to him/her and ask them how they would feel to be at the receiving end of hate or harassment. Use specific examples that your child may be able to identify with, so that they can better understand the perspectives of those around them.
Exercise control: There are software or applications that act as a virtual nanny, stopping your child from doing anything too dangerous and screening off inappropriate content. Their features include app blocking, content filtering, location tracking, remote locking, and setting time limits, among others. For more tips on parental control apps you can tap on, visit: https://www.betterinternet.sg/Resources/Resources-Listing/Parents---Parental-control-apps
Monitor your child’s online activities. Let them know that you will be installing software or apps on their laptop, tablet, or phone to keep them safe, and help them understand why you must have a view of their online activities. For older children, it is important to have healthy discussions on positive internet use, so as to build an open and transparent relationship with them.
Educate yourself: Take time to stay updated on the new platforms and sites that your children are active on. Know where you can seek help and consult other parents who can share strategies to combat the issue.